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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

my escape

I read completely meaningless tripe as a way to escape into a world I can deal with.  Sad but true. I cannot watch the news, and I pretty much hate all TV shows (except forensics) so my method of relaxation is reading.  I don't know if it's because of my major depression, or if I am just a negative person, but if I watch the news for any length of time at all, I become suicidal.  Seriously.  I begin to think of all the things that are wrong in this world and I feel completely helpless to do anything about them; one thing leads to another and pretty soon I am lying in bed for days at a time, crying incessantly and thinking about the best way to just end it all. I am pretty sure this makes me nothing more than a coward, but there it is.  John can watch the same news and he gets that "let's pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and fix this problem" attitude.  My Mom can do the same thing, as can Kathleen.  I admire these kinds of people because they are the fixers in the world.  They see a problem and try to find a way to make it better; I hide from problems.  Which segues nicely into my topic here, which is my addiction to mindless tripe in the form of historical romance novels.  Yes, I know.  Just typing that sentence dropped my IQ level down about 50 points or more.  But they are a true escape for me; a place where my mind can go that will not cause me to become irrationally angry about things I cannot control.  I think it is the same escape others find in movies (but as we all know, movies are far inferior to the books they are usually based on).  The reason I cannot tolerate most movies is the fact that Hollywood literally makes me nauseous, and giving those people any of my money is something I will not do.  

So why is it that romantic comedies on the big screen are perfectly acceptable and draw huge audiences, but the same thing in the form of a book draws disdain and ridicule?  This must be one of life's great mysteries.  Or maybe I am the only one who sees it this way.  And I am probably the only one who cares what other people think, which is another huge character flaw of mine.  But I'll save that for another time (it's a 10-pager).  

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

16 things about me

Okay, so this is where my inspiration for a blog got started.  Sort of.  I was tagged in a facebook note and asked to respond with 16 things about me.   I figure that note is as good a place as any to begin my blogging life...

1. My favorite weather is rainy and cold; preferably between 30 and 40 degrees with a nice, pelting rain.

2. I love cats and tolerate dogs. Sometimes.

3. I was drum major for all my high-school marching-band life (3 years) and I didn't learn to play piccolo and march until I got to OSU. (My freshman year was at TU, but we stood on the field and played jazz tunes. I almost died.) I still find myself directing along with Eamon when the band is on the field because I cannot help myself. Pathetic.

4. I am still a band/guard geek at heart, always will be, and I can still throw a quad with a rifle (I can actually catch it, too). I never did sabre, but maybe someday Kelsey will teach me. John and I still find ourselves walking in time together when we are out, and we just laugh about what nerds we are.

5. I was a serious over-achiever in school; someone Kelsey would term a "goodie goodie" (as she makes strange gagging noises). If I did not have the highest grade in a class, I would freak out and work until I did. My kids just roll their eyes and smirk anytime I talk about school...I am still a grammar Nazi and very proud to say that I have passed this on to Kelsey. Spencer only texts in full sentences with proper punctuation and spelling. Praise God.

6. I am romance novel junkie. There. I said it. Out loud. But I get into and out of reading spells on a random basis; I will read a book a day (at least 400 pages or not worth bothering with) for several weeks, then go 6 months without reading a thing, then start all over again.

7. John was only the third guy I ever dated, and I knew after about a week that I would marry him. It took me 3 years to convince him. The thing with John is that divorce can NEVER be an option. He told me that when we started dating, saying he would never be divorced and I had better be damn sure it was forever. I was and still am, and happily so.

8. When Kelsey was figure skating, I joined the synchronized skating team at the rink. It was fun, but I never had enough confidence to really go for it. And I took a really bad fall that I now believe precipitated my back surgery. Awesome.

9. My scholarship to the University of Tulsa was for the full ride; half academics and half flute. My teacher there told me that I was truly gifted and she believed I could be one of the very few that makes it as a performance flautist. I never believed in myself enough to do it, and I regret that now more than I can say. Maybe someday when the kids are gone I can get back into it (assuming senility has not set in even more by then and I can remember how to play and read music).

10. I am the director of music for our parish at Sts. Peter & Paul. I direct my little choir (sometimes only a quartet or quintet in which Kelsey even condescends to sing) and cantor at all the Masses. I've even made several CDs of my favorite songs.

11. I am an ebay junkie. Seriously. I collect vintage Barbie dolls from the 60s and 70s, and buying them on ebay got me started selling to recover my costs. I have been a power seller now for years and it is a good little income on the side. Plus it's great fun. Maybe someday, when Kelsey and Spencer are no longer in band and guard, I can keep some of that money.

12. I HATE reality TV. I mean I really, really hate it. A lot. Americal Idol makes me violent because for some strange reason, I was taught it is wrong to make fun of people who are handicapped.  And being tone-deaf is a handicap in my eyes.

13. I believe my true calling in life is to be a writer. Seriously. I hope to actually do it for real someday. I think maybe that's why God gave me mad grammar skills and verbosity. I really, really like to talk and I like to write even more.

14. I am a horrible parent. Truly. I am always worried about hurting people's feelings and I hate for anyone to be upset, so I can never say no or be stern when it is needed. If not for John, our kids would end up as serial killers.

15. I will always be fat. Forever. I will also never be able to accept myself as I am, no matter how many years go by and how many good things I find to like about myself. It's just not gonna happen. I will be 40 this year and I've still never achieved self assurance. Or even contentedness. If I can ever figure out how to like myself even one-tenth the amount John loves me, well, I may achieve psychological nirvana.

16. I am absolutely addicted to football at all levels. I have the world's biggest crush on Peyton Manning (John is okay with it, he has a man crush on him, too) and I went to my first Colts game last month. It was our anniversary and we stayed behind when the band left Indy, then drove straight home after the game, arriving at 3 a.m. to a bug infestation in our house. Oh, and my hard drive crashed when I turned my computer on a few hours later and I lost everything. But seeing Peyton live was worth it all (seriously, how important are all the pictures of my kids and family anyway?). Go Colts!!! Union Redskins State Champs!!