GOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL!!!

Today is the day!  I have officially reached the goal weight that I set for myself when I decided to have RNY.  It took almost one year (359 days, to be exact), but that time has flown by and it seems like I was just being rolled into surgery a few weeks ago.  But, as we all know, this really is not the finish line for me.  It's more like the beginning of a finish line that goes on for the rest of my days.  I have heard of many, many people who regain their weight after WLS and I am, of course, going to do my best not to be one of those people.  I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

So I am posting a pic I took this morning, just to mark the occasion of reaching my goal, but this is not my official "after" picture.  I am employing the services of my daughter, the professional photographer, to have a real photo shoot and do the thing right.  I have shied away from pictures for the last 20 years and I decided, when I reached goal, that I would have a real photo taken to mark the occasion.  I am going to dress up and actually put on make-up (gasp!!) and enjoy myself.  I always think that having pictures of oneself kind of makes one seem a bit vain, but I am willing to be considered vain this once.  So here is the reached-goal-weight-but-still-using-powder-room-for-photos-because-we-don't-own-a-full-length-mirror shot.  Oh, and dontcha like the new t-shirt John made me for my birthday?  (and yes, there is a 99% chance that you will see my car in some of my official goal photos) :)

Thanks so much again to all of you who have read this blog and sent me encouraging notes along the way.  It meant more to me than you probably know.  I feel so blessed to know so many truly decent, kind people, and to be able to call them friends, well, it's just an embarrassment of riches. :)

~k

food = mixed feelings

Hooray for not-summer!!  I am so thankful that fall is here and ready for even cooler temperatures.  It's so nice to be able to drive around town with the windows down again, enjoying the crisp breeze.  And the best part, of course, is that it is football season.  However, I am pretty glum about football and having a hard time getting into the NFL now that Sweet Baby Peyton is gone for the season.  I know most people wouldn't understand this, but I pretty much feel like crying every Sunday afternoon now.  It's pathetic, but there it is.  At least I still have my OSU Cowboys and Union Redskins, so that helps a little.  But still...I just don't think they should have allowed the NFL season to continue once they knew Peyton wouldn't be able to play.  I mean, it's just not football!!!

So the weight loss continues, little by little.  I am now down another 3 pounds, for a total of 115.  I think the most fun part has been the clothes shopping.  I can now go into any store and not feel embarrassed that they don't go up to my size.  I no longer have to limit myself to plus-size stores.  It's a wonderful thing.  A friend and I went down to the new OKC outlet mall last weekend and I had an absolute blast, trying on clothes I would never have dreamed of even looking at last year.  I got a great bargain on an expensive sweater dress I had been wanting, plus a new coat and jacket.  I have also fallen in love with Victoria's Secret jeans, just wishing I had ordered a size down because the ones I bought 2-3 weeks ago are now a little too big and I'll have to go down another size.  This is a good thing, and I'm not complaining, but they are expensive jeans and I wish I had been more optimistic and ordered another size down the first time.  It's all good, but every time I think I am probably arriving at my final weight and can buy new clothes, they end up being too big within a few weeks and I have to start over again.

So I think the weirdest thing of all is that I am wishing I was still a foodie.  It sounds ridiculous, because being a foodie is exactly how I ended up weighing nearly 300 pounds!  But I used to love food, and I mean I really LOVED food.  It was an enjoyable event, to go out and have dinner with the family.  Now food is just a necessary thing that I don't enjoy and don't really want, but I eat because I know I must.  There's no pleasure in it anymore, and even though I know it is completely irrational, I miss that true love of food and enjoying decadent desserts as well as rich and hearty main courses.  I would never go back to the way I was, but I do miss the love of food.  I guess now I am substituting the love of food with the love of clothes shopping.  :)

~k

It's finally NOT 100+ degrees!

It's almost starting to feel like my most favorite time of the year.  Yay autumn!!!  All that crap earlier in my blog about enjoying the summer?  Yeah, well, that's over.  Once we had 4+ weeks of 105+ degrees here on the sun, I was completely over it and started hating summer and heat once again.  It's good to be back to normal :)

I am discovering more and more that the human body (or at least mine) is a strange thing.  I mean, how can a person lose 5 pounds on the scale and not feel any difference in the way their clothing fits, then lose 1 pound and go down 2 dress sizes?  That has happened to me several times since surgery.  Take last week, for example.  I only lost 1 pound at my weekly weigh-in, but when I went to get dressed for Mass last Saturday night, I literally had nothing to wear.  I had several church-appropriate tops in the closet that were a bit too snug the last time I had tried them on (seemingly just a couple of weeks ago), and when I put them on that night, each one looked like a freaking tent on me.  I mean they were ridiculous to the point that I could not wear them without looking like I was wearing a moo-moo.  So I eventually settled on the least ridiculous looking one and still felt like I was wearing a maternity shirt all night.  Then today I weigh in and discover that I've lost 5 pounds since last Monday, but my clothes only got a little bit looser.  It's all good, it's just weird how pound loss and mass loss don't always mean the same thing.  In any event, my total is now 111.5 pounds and I'm only about 10 pounds away from my original goal.  And that's another thing.  Being tall makes a HUGE difference when it comes to how much weight you can hide.  No one believed I was almost 300 pounds last year, and everyone now says that I shouldn't lose any more weight or I'll be too thin.  But according to the chart at the doctor's office, my "goal" weight should be 150 pounds, which means I need to lose 25 more.  I am okay with where I am right now and if I never lost another pound, I'd feel great.  It's just funny to me that when people say I am going to look too thin if I keep losing, and I tell them what the AMA thinks my goal weight should be, they look at me like I'm going to wither away and die if I even try to reach that. I'm not trying, but if it happens, it happens, and I'll be fine. I will never worry about being too thin because there will always be plenty of extra inches on me, and gravity isn't doing me any favors, either.  (I guess if anyone tells me I'm looking too thin, I'll threaten to disrobe and clear up the matter tout de suite)

~k

selective vision

Okay, so yesterday I saw Dr. G, who told me that I have reached my goal weight and need to stop losing now.  I was like...Yeah, so, how am I supposed to do that?  I already eat all I can possibly hold every day.  He tells me I can now cheat a little.  Since I'm already doing that, I am having a hard time seeing it making a difference.  But the weight loss has slowed down to nearly a crawl, so I'm not going to worry about it overmuch.  I can still stand to lose 20 more pounds without even looking thin (I'll still be able to pinch several inches) so it's all good.  But the most interesting part of my visit yesterday was that I noticed, while the nurse was thumbing through my chart, that there was a picture of me in there that I had forgotten all about.  It was my official "before" picture that they take of every WLS patient and keep in the file.  I asked if I could see it and I still cannot believe that was me.  I took a picture of it with my cell phone because it is the only full-length picture of me at whale size that exists, to my knowledge.  Isn't it amazing that you can look in a mirror every day and not really see yourself?  Of course I knew I was a whale; I'm not blind, after all, and I do have to shop for clothing and I can read the numbers on the tags.  But still.  I guess I didn't really realize how I looked, and I especially didn't realize how my face had changed.  I think that's the truly mind-blowing part. I look at my face every single day and I don't think it looks any different.  Then I look at this "before" picture and I hardly recognize that face from the one I see now.  Amazing how over the course of 10 months my face has changed so much, yet I wouldn't have really seen it without this picture.  Naturally, there are lots of other things about myself that I don't see or that I see in a much different way than others see, but that's a blog entry for some other time when I have nothing else to do for a couple of months.  Changing my body was a piece of cake compared to changing my brain.

~k

What does 100 pounds look like? (okay, technically 103...)

I haven't posted in a while because: (a) There's been a lot of stuff going on around here, and (b) I wanted to wait until I hit the century mark before posting again.  Because I'm writing now, you can probably already guess my weight loss so far...I did hit 100 pounds and am now at 103 total.  I just needed to lose 1 more at my weigh-in this morning to make it to 100, but instead I lost 4 more.  It's weird how the body holds on to weight and then lets it go all of a sudden (with no change in diet or exercise or whatever).  In any event, I am thrilled to report that at exactly 9 months out, I am now down 103 pounds.  I feel great physically.  I still have mental hang-ups from time to time.  The week before last, which shall be referred to as b.s.a. (before Spencer's accident) I felt really fat and it didn't matter how many times I looked in the mirror or thought about the size I am wearing now.  I just felt like I had this huge muffin top no matter what pair of shorts or pants I wore and I couldn't talk my mind into believing what the mirror was telling me.  Isn't that bizarre?  I mean, I am still overweight and I do still have love handles, of course, but I just couldn't see the glass as half full that week.  Fortunately that doesn't happen all that often and I am usually able to see myself as I really am now instead of what my mind was used to seeing for the last several years.

So Spencer was discharged from the hospital last Tuesday and we are still in the middle of dressing changes, healing and scabbing, etc.  He goes this week for his followup visit with the trauma surgeon and hopefully we will hear that he is healing at the appropriate rate.  I am just praying that he will be healed enough to be able to move down to Stillwater and start classes in a couple of weeks without any delays or problems.  But again, he is fortunate to be alive and when I get stressed about hospital bills, school, insurance claims, etc., I try to just focus on his being alive, having no broken bones and not a scratch to his head, and somehow I feel a little better about the whole thing.  Of course, I'm not the one going through the shower scrubbings and dressing changes...

New job now with great hours (WOOT!!) so gotta get the day started.  Thanks and much love to all of you who actually read this rather pathetic little blog and send me encouraging notes.  You are much, much more appreciated than you can probably understand.  :)

What does 100 pounds look like?  Here are some of the pics I've taken along the weigh :)

~k

almost 8 months out now...

Well, Spencer is officially enrolled at OSU now, and I'm thrilled for him.  We went down there Monday for freshman orientation/enrollment and it was great to see that wonderful place again.  It has changed to the point that it's hardly recognizable from when I was there.  It seems to me that the campus has doubled in size, and the residence halls are nothing like I remember.  Spencer (and 3 roomies) will be living in a four-bedroom suite thing with 2 baths and living area, etc., all furnished.  It's like an apartment and nothing like the old dorms used to be.  Just amazing.  And so begins his life as an aeronautical and mechanical engineer.  I am so proud.  

I attended my second Cubs game last weekend in KC and it was great.  I have been to 2 games now and the Cubs won both, so I'm 2 for 2.  Then we went to the Kansas Speedway and rode for a few laps in a NASCAR car.  It was awesome, although my Dad, during his turn, asked the driver "is this as fast as this thing will go?"  He also seemed disappointed that he didn't end up in the wall or something.  Men.

So I've lost another 4 pounds, bringing my total to 94.  Still feeling great and enjoying the changes.  Spencer told me I was nearly unrecognizable on the back of John's bike a few days ago, which I take as a good thing.  The bike certainly has a lot more room for me now and is much more comfortable to ride!! 

~k

the weird in-between phase...

Well, I have officially hit that point where I'm between plus sizes and regular sizes and...it's weird.  I went to the mall last week (gasp!) to pick up a birthday gift for Kelsey (who is 20 today...choke...gasp...cough) and I decided to roll the dice and try on some jeans in the misses department.  I wasn't sure exactly what to expect, but I was ready for disappointment and just decided to go ahead and give it a shot.  Lo and behold, I didn't even need the largest misses size, which shocked me no small amount (however, I must point out here that Spandex being in jeans fabric has probably played a  large role).  In my happiness, I bought jeans I don't really need, but hey, they are like 5 dress sizes smaller than before WLS and so I had to redefine "need".  Then today I went to Dress Barn and tried on some dresses (regular misses sizes) and though I didn't buy anything, I did discover that I don't really need to go to the store way out in Jenks anymore (the only one that carries plus sizes) and so that was another small victory.  Some of the stuff was a little tight, but it will probably fit comfortably within a month or two.

And speaking of that...weight loss total hit 90 pounds today, just 10 more to go until the century mark.  I still couldn't be happier with the entire process and I feel very fortunate that I am doing so well.  Even my 6-month labs came back with a great report, which thrilled me.  I am not anemic, which tends to be a big problem with gastric bypass patients, so that's good.  My labs are all on the low side, but none of them are abnormal or anything to raise a red flag, so I'm happy about that.  One strange side effect I am noticing is that I think I am finally turning into my father.  Those of you who know him understand that he is part lizard and believes 100 degrees with 80% humidity is perfect weather and should be the goal of every day of the year.  I won't go that far, but I am beginning to love the sunshine and I enjoy sitting outside, just soaking it up.  Of course, one must bear in mind that John likes our house thermostat to be at 67 year round, so that probably has something to do with it.  But I do have trouble staying warm more and more now, and when I'm inside, I'm usually in long pants, a t-shirt, sweatshirt or jacket, and super-thick, furry socks.  Or I just have a cat on me.  Both work great, but I do worry about what will happen when winter hits again.  I may have to start wearing a parka, or maybe 2 or 3 cats at a time.

~k

post-Vegas post :)

Just got home in the wee hours on Sunday morning from our trip to Vegas and happy to say it was a great time.  Las Vegas is not one of those places that I would choose to go normally, but it was basically a free trip so there you go.  It is still the freakshow that I remember, and I am convinced that there is no need to waste money on tickets to any show in Vegas because you can simply sit on the side of the strip and watch the people go by for free.  It's way more entertaining than anything I've ever seen, and you can gather freakshow material for nigh on eternity there.  My thoughts on the entire city can be summed up thus:  What happens in Vegas (or visits or lives there or whatever) should stay in Vegas and never, ever leave.  Please.

As of yesterday morning (missed the last Monday weigh-in because I forgot, if you can believe it!) I am down another few pounds for a total of 88.  But the best part is that I am officially in Onederland now and just happy the scale readout begins with a 1 instead of a 2. 

~k

bittersweet days....

I guess John and I are about to be empty-nesters with the graduation of our younger child (note that I didn't say "youngest" because that's one of my biggest pet peeves...if you only have 2 of something, you cannot ever, under any circumstances, use any adjective in the superlative form such as youngest, oldest, shortest, tallest, etc...you can only have a younger, older, taller, shorter, whatever-er...you must have 3 or more of something to use the superlative...if you've only got 2, it's comparative!!!  Okay, rant over for now.)  What seems most bittersweet about all this is that I can specifically remember those days when Kelsey was 4 and Spencer was 2 and I was home 24/7 with them (while also working from home in a field where one needs quiet) and thinking that those days were lasting forever and John would never get home and I would kill both children and end up doing 50 to life or getting the chair.  It won't come as any surprise to anyone who knows our kids, but...they are both a bit strong willed and extremely bright.  Let me tell you, raising those kinds of kids is the hardest job I've ever had to do.  It's exhausting, heart-breaking at times, frustrating most of the time...and also the greatest experience of my life.  To sit here today and realize that those days really did fly by and both children survived (as did I, in a manner of speaking), well, it's just amazing.  I won't consider our parenting a success yet, as the future is never completely certain, but I am hopeful that we gave them at least most of the tools they will need to make a good life for themselves, and that's all I really want as a parent anyway:  Kids that have the kind of life where they find happiness in whatever form that takes.  

So today I'm down only one more pound, putting the total at 83 so far.  But I'll take it and I'm happy with that.  It's funny to me that people look at me like I'm insane when I tell them I have about 40 pounds to go.  I think those people forget just how fat I became and where I started.  I'm not even trying to get back to high school weight, and I was never thin or even ideal weight at that age!  In fact, the weight I am shooting for is pretty liberal and will put my BMI in the "overweight" category instead of the "ideal" category.  But it's a weight I am fairly certain I can maintain and be happy with, as I don't feel the need to be thin any longer and for that I am thankful.  

So here we are with Spencer on the night of his commencement, May 13, 2011.  He'll be off to OSU in a couple of months and I am thrilled for him.  I think he will love college like I did and I couldn't be happier that he's attending my Alma Mater.  

I also made a collage containing both Kelsey's graduation and Spencer's.  It is also something of a weight-loss collage for me and helps me put into perspective exactly how far I've come since 2009.  

~k

Loving the sunshine for the first time in a long while...

I think most people who know me well understand that I really do love cold, rainy days.  I have always loved the rain, and most especially the kind that comes with a nice thunderstorm.  I doubt that will ever change, but now I seem to be loving the sunshine much more than I have before.  I remember loving summer in high school, when we would spend nearly every day at Big Splash, soaking up the sun for hours.  It's been decades since I enjoyed sunshine, but I think it's coming back to me now.  You will still find me indoors where there's air conditioning when summer hits around here because anything above 90 is just obscene to me.  But right now, when the days are in the 80s, I am liking being outside and I even bought a lounge chair so that I can sit in the sunshine for a little while and soak it up.  (I hope my Mom has smelling salts at her house because I know she just fainted when she read that last line...).  I will never be the sun worshipper that my parents are, but I am at least getting back outside now instead of hiding indoors all the time.  I guess it's another one of those little things that has happened that I never expected on this weight-loss journey.  Just goes to show that it's about so much more than pounds and inches.  It's about life and remembering how to live it.

But since this blog is about my WLS journey...my weight loss total now stands at 82 pounds as of May 9, 2011.  As much as it pains me to admit my weight, I have to say that I am really looking forward to being in the 100s soon.  I cannot remember the last time I was in Onderland (as it is universally called by weight-loss and diet sites) and I am hoping to make it there before we leave for Las Vegas at the end of this month.  It will be the biggest milestone for me thus far (although I do realize it is just another little goal among many) and I am excited to think it's just 5 pounds away.  

~k

6 months out :)

I don't know how it's possible, but it appears to be approximately 6 months after my surgery already!  Short update as my mind is otherwise occupied at the moment, but as of May 2, I've lost 80.5 pounds and about 3-4 dress sizes.  I'm feeling great and doing much better about getting all my vitamins in nowadays, though I've still gotta go for my six-month labs and so I won't know the real verdict until then.  But I'm hoping for good news :)

Pic update, taken today, 5/4/11...

~k

Happy Easter!

So it's been a few weeks since I blogged and I thought I'd check in.  Things are still going well and I feel great, still eating pretty much anything that sounds good.  I guess I am going to be one of those people who does not get "dumping syndrome" which is both a good and a bad thing.  Dumping syndrome is what happens to bariatric patients who consume too much carbohydrate or sugar at one sitting.  It usually means becoming sweaty, nauseated, and just generally feeling like you want to die.  Or at least this is what I've read and heard from many people.  But apparently I am among the few who will not experience this, and it's kinda funny because that's part of the reason I went with gastric bypass instead of the lap band, sleeve gastrectomy or duodenal switch procedures.  I wanted the dumping syndrome to be a threat of sorts; a kind of deterrent to eating the wrong stuff if I should ever be tempted.  But I can eat candy and sweets when the spirit moves me and I don't seem to suffer any ill effects whatsoever.

Since last Monday (4/18) I have lost just one more pound, bringing my total to 78 since surgery.  I am enjoying clothes and clothes shopping again, and I am happy to say that the table stacked with clothing is now gone from our room.  Woot!  I also got rid of at least 50 t-shirts and probably half that many pairs of pants and shorts that no longer fit, so the room and closet are getting better, little by little.

Most recent pic from 4/21/11...

Wishing everyone a wonderful week :)


~k

Monday again?? Time flies...

It seems like I was just posting here yesterday, but I guess it's been a whole week again and I don't know where it went.  In fact, I'm not sure what happened to the last 18 years, since my baby will be graduating in a matter of weeks and had his senior pictures taken a few days ago.  It fairly boggles my mind.  Next weekend we will be celebrating his 18th birthday and he is going skydiving, as it's something he's been begging us to let him do forever.  I'm not sure yet if I'll be able to go watch.  I'm not really sure my heart can take that kind of excitement and I'm sure I would come home completely gray-headed.  

Today the scale says another 2.5 are gone, which means I have lost 73 pounds and now have less than 50 to go.  (pic to follow shortly)  But it's Monday, so that means I am in the middle of several errands and this post will be short and sweet.  There is also the matter of Suki bringing me her mouse so that I can throw it over and over again and this short and sweet post has taken me much longer than it should have.  I am off to throw the mouse on my way out the door.  If anyone wants to come over here and throw a mouse for hours on end, I am happy to entertain any and all applications.  It's a full time job.  Oh, and it doesn't pay, either.

~k

pedicure + new shoes = happy me

Last week was a little disappointing, but it was good for at least one thing...proving that the scale really isn't always the best way to measure weight-loss success. When I weighed in last Monday morning, I had actually gained 2 pounds. But I knew that had to be just my body adjusting to changes in weather, water weight, etc. I usually gain at least a few pounds during the usual monthly cycle, but I couldn't even chalk it up to that reason. So I just hopped off the scale and went clothes shopping in the spirit of "Ha! I'll show you, you idiot scale!" and discovered I went down another dress size and a little more. It was great therapy and helped reenforce the concept (in my head) that sometimes the scale is not the best way to quantify weight loss and I should not give it the power to ruin what might turn out to be a perfectly wonderful day.


So if that same scale is to be believed today, I lost another 2 pounds for a total of 70.5 thus far. I have also discovered that my tastes in clothing have changed a little since I was last in this size and I let myself buy a few outfits. I am trying, though, to keep it under control and wear what I already have. I will be heading out to my consignment shop in a bit to drop off another load of clothes, so the room is getting better, little by little. Now if only I could end my torrid love affair with shoes...(But seriously, I mean, how can I be blamed for my love of shoes!?  Shoes don't judge, they never get tighter, they NEVER make my ass look the size of Brazil, and they always make me happy and brighten my day, especially after a great pedicure with some flowers on the toenails.  Just sayin')

~k

18 weeks, just over 68 pounds...

It's Monday again, and I cannot believe I am saying this, but...Monday is becoming  my favorite day of the week.  And it really has nothing to do with being my weigh-in day (although that doesn't hurt any).  Having Monday as a day off has seriously changed my opinion of probably the most-hated day of the week around the world.  Mondays make me feel pretty good because I usually get a lot done on Mondays that I've been putting off, and I am the Queen of Procrastination, for those who might not realize.  Fact.  I am a true ostrich at heart, and burying my head in the sand is something I do with panache.  I'm not necessarily proud of it, you understand; but if you're going to do something, do it right.

The no-longer-evil scale says I lost 3 pounds last week, bringing my total to 68.5.  It's interesting to note (at least to me) that I lose more weight on the weeks I eat more food.  It makes sense in the metabolism-fired-up way, but it's not something most people can square in their heads.  I still haven't really started exercising (except for shake-weight arm/shoulder workout), but I certainly run around doing other stuff a lot more than before.  So I guess that's gotta count for something, right?  I know one thing...our stairs are a lot easier to climb now.  They must have become much more shallow, and there are probably less of them than before :)

~k

still cleaning out clothes!

Our room looks like the local thrift store, though I am making a valiant attempt at clearing it all.  Stacks and stacks of clothes, sorted by size and season, litter almost every available surface.  Standing in the middle of it all yesterday, it was hard to believe that I have removed over 4 giant tubs already, and that doesn't even count what I've cleaned out of the closet.  I made another trip to the consignment store and found out that a few of my things already sold (1st or 2nd day there) and she was ready to write me a check.  I told her to just keep it on balance because now that she has almost all my jeans and capris, I'll be needing to find some more.  Hard to believe I could want any more clothes, but the sizes I have now are not aligning with the seasons and I find myself without many jeans or capris to wear for the next month or so.  I guess this is maybe one of those times I can be thankful that I like brands like Baby Phat, Apple Bottoms, Torrid, etc. because they sure sell well at the consignment shop.  And that lady in there loves me.  As I left yesterday, she called "keep bringing in your stuff, you've got GREAT clothes!!"  Man, don't I know it.  If she could only see my bedroom...

So at my weekly Monday meeting with my scale yesterday morning, I was down another 4.5 pounds, for a total of 65.5.  I am sure I will hit a plateau at some point, probably soon, and that's okay with me.  You would think that I'd have a time frame in which I expected to lose this weight, something like "I'll be a size whatever by summer", but I really don't.  I think I'm just so grateful that it's actually working, and so stunned every week by my progress, that I don't care much about the time that's passing or when I'll reach goal, or anything else for that matter.  I'm just humbled and thankful to feel so good and to enjoy putting on clothes again.  You know, there are so many little victories along this path, things not represented by the number on the scale or any other measuring stick.  Things like wrapping a bath towel around myself after a shower and realizing it overlaps itself, with no gaping spots.  Imagine.  A towel fits around me now!  Or I pick up an around-the-house shirt to put on and realize it is no longer tight across the shoulders and actually hangs down my arms.  And I doubt there's a way to measure the loss of self-consciousness and how it affects nearly everything I do.  I feel more like looking up and around instead of looking down or trying to hide myself. And something as simple as crossing my legs or curling up in the corner of the sofa as I read, then having it occur to me, all of a sudden like, that I couldn't sit that way a few months ago.  It's almost comical to be sitting in a chair, then look down and realize your legs are crossed and want to jump up and yell "HEY! MY LEGS CAN CROSS AGAIN!!"  However, since this particular revelation happened in church (where I sit at the front, literally in front of God and everybody) I decided to keep it inside and simply smile instead.

Wow, didn't mean to ramble on and on...but anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely cannot make a long story short (or ANY story short, for that matter) so I guess one should expect this if you dare to read my blog.  But since I do actually have a job and a beautiful, fabulous, hell-on-wheels car to pay for, I'll close here.  Happy Tuesday to all :)

~k

clothing gluttony (and weight loss)

As of this morning, I am officially half-way there!  WOO-HOO!!  Another 2 pounds are gone, which brings the total to 61, which is exactly half the amount I'm trying to lose.  I feel very, very fortunate in that I feel so well and don't seem to have problems with anything.  I am finding that I live on grilled chicken nowadays and I love it.  The best part is that I've yet to find a restaurant that doesn't serve some form of grilled chicken, so eating out is no problem.  Well, I guess there is one problem.  John and I were just discussing (over dinner at Oliveto's) that we will probably never eat at home again once Spencer moves out this summer.  Seriously.  I do cook (yes, Mom, I really do) a few nights a week, but since Spencer hasn't come home any evening for the past 2 weeks, it's just John and I and we always end up eating out.  I don't mind this; it's no hardship on me (I hate to cook for those of you who might not know) but it does feel a little strange.  But if I cook here, I am only cooking for John because what I eat doesn't amount to enough to count for anything.  Getting used to cooking for 1 or 2 is just weird after cooking for 4 healthy eaters for the past 15-20 years.  But you have to enjoy each stage of life as it comes, and if this stage means no more cooking, along with driving a car that only seats 2 and can't haul groceries or kids, I guess I'll find a way to persevere.  :)


In other news....I am feeling a little ashamed of myself today.  I spent yesterday going through my clothes and I am astounded at my gluttony when it comes to clothes shopping.  I don't think I realized how much stuff I had, but now I do and I am amazed at how much I have spent on clothes (and shoes) in the past decade or two.   I packed three huge tubs, and I still have a closet full, a 6-foot table with stacks and stacks of shirts and jeans, plus another wall of stacked T-shirts and lounge clothes by the bed.  And that doesn't even count the drawers under the bed or the armoire in our room.  It's mind boggling and also sad that I could be this way and not really even realize it until now. Even worse is the fact that I am not a pack rat (like someone else I live with) and I do go through clothing and have major clean-outs periodically.  I cannot even tally the amount of clothing I have donated to Goodwill and the Salvation Army over the last 20 years, and still I have enough to clothe a third-world country at this point.  But I am going to work on correcting this bad habit, even though I know that shopping for smaller clothes is a lot of fun.  If I can just make myself wear what I already have (in smaller sizes) I shouldn't need to buy anything at all until late this summer.  But even then, I am going to make a promise to myself to cut the retail therapy down to something reasonable (and not more than I can actually wear in a season).  Hopefully I won't need formal counseling or a 12-step program to accomplish this.


Okay, so a pic from today.  And this one is for Christy, who told me I needed some new clothes for my new body (because, as she said, my other clothes were way too big).  This is actually a top I've had for several years, a favorite from Torrid, and some jeans I couldn't even pull up past my lower thighs a few weeks ago.  It's a happy day :)

~k

another Monday, another few pounds...

It's Valentine's Day!  Or, as one of my FB friends put it this morning, Single's Awareness Day!!  (thanks, Katie) =]  I'm not really sure why this day deserved exclamation points, but it just looked sad with a period.  I don't get really excited about this day, and it's not because the new has worn off or because we've been together for the last 23 of these holidays.  I think it's because I am lucky enough to be married to someone who treats me as if every single day is Valentine's Day.  Not with gifts or cards or chocolates, but with small things that mean so much more; going to get me Sonic iced tea before work because he knows I love it...shoveling all the snow out of the driveway and street so I could pull the Camaro out without having to worry...bringing me flowers for no reason at all...being willing to go just about anywhere, anytime of the day or night if I want or need something...doing little things just because he knows they will bring me happiness.  And so, yes, maybe this particular holiday isn't as exciting as it could be.  But I would rather have the 23 years of daily little things than an annual chocolates/flowers/teddy bear day. 


So today marks 15 weeks since this journey began and another 3 pounds since last week.  That brings my total to 59 pounds thus far, with about 60-65 more to go.  I am making a point to take at least one picture every week now (even if they are just snapshots in the powder room because we don't have a full-length mirror).  Yesterday was a happy day, as I finally tried on some old favorite pants and they fit. I totally wasn't expecting that yet and it made my day.  If I were disciplined enough, I would probably be able to lose all the way down to my goal without buying any clothes at all; that's how many tubs of clothing I have in various sizes.   It's insane, really.


Hope everyone has a happy Valentine's Day and enjoys time with the one who brings them happiness.
  

Have I mentioned that I love my car?

~k

14 weeks out...

Just over three months postop and the scale says down 56 pounds this morning.  Almost half-way, woo-hoo!!  Still struggling to get in the protein, but I'm doing a little better every week.  If only someone would make a protein pill, or just anything besides the shakes and bars.  Just typing that last line made me start to gag a little, and I'm not kidding.  


Assuming it ever gets here, I am going to attempt Zumba fitness.  I ordered it over a week ago, but it got lost in transit (guessing it is on one of those UPS trucks we saw stuck in the snow this past week) and I had to re-order, so I got a little reprieve.  I am sure it will kick my butt, but I'm going to at least try it.  If I don't post here anymore, you will know I didn't survive it.  :)


These pics were actually taken 2 weeks ago (or 7 pounds ago), but they are the most recent that I have.  Thanks to you all for the wonderfully-encouraging messages and notes.  They really do help; I feel like I have my own little cheering section.  I love it, and I appreciate it more than you know.  

I didn't think I could see the weight loss in my face, but then I found this copy of my driver's license (taken May 2010) and I decided I can see it :)  I suppose I will always have chubby cheeks, but at least they are getting less chubby.

Enjoy the next mini-blizzard coming our way.  And I never thought I'd EVER say this, but I'm ready for the snow to stop!!!  I am suffering withdrawals from Chloe and I need a fix.  Take care everyone, and be safe. 

~k

pseudo before and after (11 weeks) pics...but not really :)

Okay, so I keep getting hounded about posting some pictures, but the truth is that I am really not used to letting anyone take my picture.  In fact, I can probably count on one hand the number of snapshots that actually contain me, and none of those were with my consent (or at least I was grumpy about it).  So I have a couple of before pictures from this past fall and then a couple that I shot last night (sans make-up and everything).  They are only pics of my face because I couldn't get any of them to turn out right while using the mirror and it was just plain bizarre anyway.  I don't know if my face looks thinner yet; if it does, I certainly cannot tell.  But at least these first pics are a start.   I am going to make an effort to take more pictures to document this journey, at least for my own benefit.  I just hope it will start to come more naturally in time...(this feels really weird, I gotta say).


Weight loss between the before pics and now is 49 pounds (as of 3 days ago).  :)

hard to believe it's been 10 weeks already

I am sitting here in my living room, having just built a blazing fire and getting cozy in the squishy chair under my OSU blankie, and looking at the pretty white stuff out the window.  These are times when I truly wish we could move somewhere north, where I could have real winter with real snow for several months at a time.  Oh well.  Maybe someday.


Kelsey officially has her own place now and I am using this excuse to get rid of most of our flatware, dishes and other kitchen accessories.  We have so much stuff that the only thing I really get to replace is the silverware, but that's okay with me.  She can use this stuff, along with our old couch and a table or two, and we can use the space.  Maybe we can finally get this house uncluttered a little.  But then again, I'm sure we will re-clutter with amazing efficiency.  We always do.  Then Spencer will be moving down to Stillwater this summer and things will be really weird around here.  But since we don't see either of them all that much anymore these days, it probably won't be all that different than it is now.


Today marks 10 weeks since my surgery and I have lost 45 pounds so far.  I am also finally starting to see and feel that weight loss, which is nice.  I have about 6 tubs of clothes in our room and closet that I've kept and now I am having to dig through them to find clothes to wear to church.  I wear pajamas around here nearly 24/7, but those aren't really acceptable cantor clothing, so I've had to go digging.  It's kinda fun to find clothes I haven't seen in a while and realize they fit again.  Last night also marked the day when I finally took off my wedding band and engagement ring and put them on a ribbon around my neck.  I have those little plastic ring-sizer things, but the problem is that they get stuff in them when you wash your hands or work with food or whatever.  And forget putting on moisturizer.  So I guess they will just stay around my neck until I'm done losing and then I will get them re-sized.  I have about 75 pounds to go, but I'm not in a hurry.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?  


Time to put down the laptop and go stoke the fire a little.  I hope it snows more and I am thankful I don't have to get out in it.  Chloe already got her first taste of snow yesterday when she had to be parked outside so Spencer could use the garage to fix his car and I don't think she liked it.  I know John didn't care for it.  Luckily John has a nice big truck now and he can handle all my shipping and fetching chores.  Chloe and I will stay nice and warm inside.  :)